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Press Release: Estate Agents Rally to Squash Innovation, Secure Rightmove's Throne

Status-Quo Stop the Status Quo!


In an audacious display of loyalty to the status quo, estate agents nationwide have banded together in a valiant effort to quash any innovation that dares threaten the hegemony of property portal giant, Rightmove. Dubbed "Guardians of the Status Quo" (GSQ), this newly formed alliance is on a mission to ensure that no new or emerging platform ever rises to challenge Rightmove's reign.

"The key to maintaining a stagnant market is to fear change," declared a GSQ spokesperson, proudly. "Why gamble on innovation when we can ensure our continued submission to high fees and minimal service improvements? It's what makes the UK property market uniquely predictable."

The move comes in response to a wave of innovative platforms seeking to disrupt the market with promises of lower fees, better service, and a more equitable approach to property listings. However, estate agents, reflecting on Rightmove's humble beginnings and their pivotal role in its ascent, have declared a moratorium on supporting any platform that doesn't arrive with millions in backing and an established monopoly.

"We learned our lesson with Rightmove," admitted another GSQ member. "We did all the legwork, and now we're paying for it — literally. To avoid making the same mistake, we've decided not to support any new entrants. If they want to succeed, they'll have to do it without our help... or listings."

In a show of solidarity, GSQ has introduced a series of initiatives designed to reinforce their commitment to inaction. These include the "Innovation Squash Award" for the agent who does the most to deter new platforms, and the "Golden Handcuffs" gala, celebrating those who have paid the most in fees to Rightmove over the years.

Rightmove has expressed gratitude for the GSQ's efforts, announcing plans to introduce a new fee increase in honour of their loyalty. "We're touched by the dedication of estate agents to our profit margins," said a Rightmove executive. "Their willingness to resist change and innovation ensures our continued dominance and their dependence. It's a true win-win — for us."


This satirical article is part of WiggyWam's "Think Different" campaign, aimed at challenging estate agents to reconsider their support for platforms that exploit their fear of change. Innovation thrives on support, not scepticism. By embracing new ideas and platforms, we can create a property market that benefits everyone, not just the giants. Let's be the change we wish to see in the market.

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Tuesday, 25 June 2024
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